Early Worms

Arrived back from Melbourne yesterday afternoon and have settled back into life at the Bachelor Pad. I managed my way through the first half of The Dark Knight before crawling to bed - yes, even day flights are tiring! Waiting text messages this morning indicated that I'd been asleep since at least 9pm. 9pm!!! I woke at 5.30am this morning and then forced myself to go back to sleep as 5.30am is an entirely inappropriate time to be up when you're still on holidays. As it turned out I was up around 7.30am. Seeing what goes on in the Heartlands at 7.30 is quite amazing. Usually if I'm up at this time I'm in a vague, cloudy state as I make my way to the MRT for work. People doing their shopping, buying their morning iced coffee in a plastic bag with a straw... it's like a whole new world!

Some people say that going to bed early is the key to a healthy day ahead. I'm not too sure exactly who these people are but I have to say that they may be onto something. Having had such a massive sleep the usual cloudiness of morning was shattered. I was... a-w-a-k-e! I actually rate this concept highly. My mind seems to be working slightly faster than usual. I'm not as grumpy (hehe). The problem becomes that it's just impossible for me to go to bed at this time. I'm a nightowl and if I went to bed at 9 then I'd just be lying there frustrated until at least 11.30. Sigh... might have to utterly exaust myself more often then.

Exit Strategies

Have to say, Singapore will need to pull some magical, million dollar note dispensing rabbit out of its hat to convince me to stay. You'd be really surprised at how far along my exit strategy is. Yes, I actually have an "exit strategy". I'm officially an adult.

I have a definite contracted job to return to, should have accommodation sorted by the time I leave Melbourne and have started doing the maths on how much money I'll need to buy a car etc. I'm still going to cast a line for positions in Canada and Japan but I think coming back here suits me best. Over the next month I miss concerts by Public Enemy, TZU, Neil Young alone! Very biased as this is hardcore concert season in Australia, but after a year and a half of covers I find I really miss venues like The Forum, The Prince of Wales and St Jeromes.

The only caveat on returning is that I won't be staying at my parents place, not even for one night. That just can't happen. Hence why I need an actual strategy for my return here. I don't need to give work notice until sometime in March so Singapore and the Gods of Romance have rapid work ahead of me in order to convince me to remain there.

"Let Jakey do it!"

In the past year and a half I've spent more time around babies and toddlers than I have in my life. Despite a basketball team's worth of siblings, none of us have yet added to the family name (or anyone else's for that matter!). While in Singapore, I have had frequent occasion to hang out with my friend's son at barbeques and football nights and the like. His son, Billy, seems to love me and frankly I respond well to kids and they to me. Must be a similar mental plane thing, I guess. Billy is a cute kid whose Mum stays at home much of the time to look after him and was aided by a maid when Mum was at work. He's two and a half years old and I can rarely understand a word he says.

Last night I went to my ex-girlfriend's house. We haven't seen each other obviously for over a year and a half and her boy Jake is now a real human being, far from the infantile poo machine I saw when I left. My ex and her husband both work full-time and Jake is sent to childcare during the day. I've always had a bit of a thing about childcare. I think it's a really wonderful thing, especially in a world where increasingly the average family is required to have two incomes just to make ends meet. However, on a personal level, and given my own vocational field, the idea of leaving my kid in the care of someone I don't know and may not be properly qualified kind of gives me the creeps. Many years ago I used to occasionally go out to the pub with my younger brother and we'd meet girls that he knew or who were friends of his friends. If I had a dollar for every 19-20 year old girl I met in that bar who was a childcare worker with no recognisable qualifications I'd have... well... at least enough for a round of drinks for the boys. Additionally these girls were hardly paragons of responsibility when you enquired about their job and what they did each day and how seriously they actually took it.

...breath...

So little Jake goes to daycare now. We went and picked him up, drove back to her place and ordered a pizza. Jake and I re-bonded over the Incredibles and he was even calling me Daddy after I cut up pizza for him and fed it to him. My ex was highly amused by this and impressed that Jake took such a quick shine to me; not always the easiest of feats with a two and a half year old. Me? Well the whole Daddy thing creeped me out a little in a sense of "oh.. what might have been..." but I had such a lovely time. I think the best thing was seeing how much my ex loved her role as a mother; a role she deeply feared all through the pregnancy. Ultimately, I saw that she was happy and that in turn made me happy. My ex is family to me and you always want what's best for family.

... double breath...

The point of all this was the sheer difference between Jake and Billy. Exactly the same age. One in daycare. One at home with Mum. I realise kids learn and develop at significantly different rates but I couldn't help but wonder. Jake's vocbulary was better. He listened to his Mum (and me!) more than Billy. He interacted in a more social way than Billy is able to. I realise this is all highly circumstantial and an unfair comparison given learning rates etc. But as I said, I can't help but wonder whether childcare is actually better for a child's development than being at home with Mum (sans brothers and sisters in both cases).

Scary/Amazong moment :
As my ex went to put on the Incredibles DVD, Jake shouted "Let Jakey do it!". My ex gave him the dvd, and he opened the wooden cabinet with the "child-proof" lock on it, then proceeded to press the eject button, insert the dvd and set it all playing for himself.
That boy will be surfing the Net and responding to this blog before either of us knows it methinks.

Changi here I come

I'm a disgusting tech whore who is taking home more electrical devices than I am clothes. I don't know if I should be whipped or worshipped.

I dreamt I was in a Singaporean prison the other night. In case it is news to anyone, bad things happen to handsome young men in jails. I can't remember what I was in for. Whatever it was, it was a setup. I was to be incarcerated for one year and receive 50 strokes of the cane. Naturally they were dolling them out at six per day so that I would survive the experience. I was taken to a dungeonesque room for the whipping. To add insult to injury it was a particularly cute Chinese girl administering the punishment. She said she was sorry for this, to turn over and face down. I awoke to the Chinese girl's face asking if I was ok. I asked when the caning would begin. She said she'd already given all six and that I had passed out somewhere between the first and the second stroke.

The less said about the shower scene the better, but I do have to comment on what I was thinking throughout the dream. Walking back and forth in my cell during the first couple of days I found myself praying that they had a library and that I could use it. I could leave jail a genius!!

Sigh... if only.

Will be grouchy if work calls me early tomorrow

Gave in to stomachy temptation and changed my flights so I'm heading back to Melbourne a couple of days earlier. When I booked in May I was able to get 10 days back home for a reasonable price but any more than that was an extra $800!! When I called today they told me I could extend in any way I wanted free of charge. Is the economy really $800 worse off? I couch that in terms of things that we (expats anyhow) have to pay. Either way I have just another reason to praise global downturns. I know this is all going to suck for far too many to count, but frankly this works in my favour.

As much as I say it's all about my stomach I realised today that the fact is that I'm just a bit homesick. Can't wait to see my sisters and my parents. Very concerned about my eldest sister. She asked me to stay at her place if I want to on the pretext that her airedale needs some looking after. So I'll do as she asks. Of course it's just to look after the airedale. For a dog-hater I'm good like that ;)

That, and I just have the strong need to get away from Singapore.

For the last 9 months I've been hating my job. Largely because I didn't think I was doing it as well as I'm capable, so distracted was I by my study. The last two days? I loved being there. Honestly. I forgot that I used to love that feeling. In conversation today the concept of introverts and extroverts came up. Noone ever believes that I'm actually very shy. They laugh when I tell them I used to skip any kind of presentation at university because I couldn't bear the thought of being in front of even 10 people let alone the amounts I deal with now. 10%? Who really cares? I'd rather take my chances out of 90% than take my chances with the slavering beasties that make up university tutorial groups. Anyhow, there it is. I'm not what I appear to be. Terrifying, isn't it? Not as terrifying as doing a job you hate. So I'm happy because work has made me happy after so long.

It's been a Ben Folds kind of night. The first two are just two of the most gorgeous songs ever written and the third just an excellent cover.

Over and Done

Got the final word today that my portfolio has finally (17 days by registered post?!) arrived in London. After sitting through the exam this was the final nail, despite it having been sent well before the exam. The exam itself was tolerable. Three and a half hours went by in a jiff and I wouldn't have complained too much if there were an extra 15 minutes tacked onto that. Don't ask if I think I passed. I'll leave that mystery until the end of February when results come out.

Spent Sunday afternoon (and Monday afternoon for that matter) at Funan. Over six floors of geeky tech goodness. I walked away with the Lego Batman game which I'd been putting off until post-exam anyhow and a new portable hard-drive. Scary how last time I was seriously looking, when I bought this laptop 18 months ago, the technology was primitive by comparison. I'm someone who keeps very abreast of these things, but storage space is just in all new dizzy (and cheap) realms these days.

Received a blind date email via an acquaintance asking if I wanted to go for a beer. The common ground being that we've both lived in Shanghai. I might just let that one broil until after I'm back from Australia. Blind dates aren't really my thing but the counterbalance being that making new friends doesn't really hurt. All this as long as I can keep it straddled in the friendship zone. In Singapore I find that's often beyond my control, but I have given up on taking responsibility for other people's emotions. As long as I'm honest and say exactly how I feel or what I'm capable of then I'm really unable to do much if others descend into total fantasy land.

Am going to call SIA sometime this week and see if, in these wacky economic bust days, I can extend my stay at home for a few extra days. 10 days just isn't going to be enough. In typical Singaporean fashion I've come to this conclusion by consulting my stomach. There's actually just not enough days to eat all the things I want to eat!

When to shut up

My exam is on Wednesday morning. I know I should be studying but I just can't do it. The reality is there are a few things I can memorise but the exam is so context heavy that until I see the materials on offer I won't know what I'm dealing with and what is going to be useful. I have done some study already and will do more over the next couple of days. Right now it's stormy and I feel bloggy.

Had drinks on Friday night with a couple of colleagues. This was nice as neither of them are regular social whores (yes, I've been described this way in the past - sometimes even without the first adjective). It was very good to talk to them, but I'm sure I was a little too honest. In one case I was asked for my honest opinion and was so outraged I would have given it even if I hadn't been asked. In the other... well... maybe I was being, dare I say it, *nasty*.

The first case involved Mr Reliable. Mr Reliable is fairly new to my workplace, around 6 months, but is a top guy, immediately liked by everyone and headhunted very quickly by management. Oh yes, and he's a geek so he very quickly got my vote. He confessed to having been forwarded an email from his girlfriend that was never supposed to reach him.
Does that even happen anymore? People surely aren't so dumb!!
In it she basically said how she's not that into Mr Reliable. For very very superficial, selfish reasons. No, she did not have the decency to actually discuss these issues with Mr Reliable. Instead choosing to tell her friend. Fair play, but not when you accidentally forward it to the person you are discussing (dumbass). He asked me what I would do so naturally I told him I would take the high ground, break it off quietly and quickly (while getting in a passive aggressive dig about how I knew why she didn't really want me) and then have as little to do with her as possible. I think I used the words "fucking outrageous" a couple of times.

Then there is He-Man. I call him He-Man because he goes to the gym 6-7 times a week and is obsessed with his body (the buffness of which doesn't reflect the hours he puts in). As we talked about women in general and his total superficiality was put on brazen display I couldn't help but get angry. It eventually came to the kind of body he expects a woman to have. "I just can't respect a woman who lets herself go".



As I tacitly suggested that no woman is going to look like the above once she hits her 40's (or very few anyhow) I was rebuked because age, gravity and reality apparently have no basis in a discussion of the kind of girl you would like to date. At this point, the blatant objectification became too much and I couldn't help but ask him. "He-Man, you're never ever going to be happy with a woman? That's ok with you?" Of course he answered yes. I should at least give him credit for knowing he's a superficial Slagathor.

Oh yes, it's not like He-Man is the greatest catch in the world. He's gym-toned (I guess), loud-mouthed, money-obsessed, superficial and balding. Take a guess which country he's from.

I'm an unabashed PostSecret lover. I recently ran a short PostSecret myself with some adults. I was shocked by what came back to me. I never expected the participants who had never heard of this to come back with secrets that really encapsulate the heart of the project. I asked them if I was able to share some of the secrets so here are a couple of my favourites :

"Sometimes I talks to my toys"

"I don't like to run"

"I didn't dare to look around my bedroom before asleep everynight because scare to saw something I shouldn't saw"

"I and my colleague have smoke and dance in the toilet during work time"

"I know I'm playing with fire, at least in my job. Unfortunately my mind is not allowing me to bend before them... sorry I'm so stupid"

Thanks Frank, the world is an amazing and beautiful and heart-breaking place.

11 days to go

For the first time in eleven years I find myself in exam mode. Sure, since then I've crammed for things. Interviews, observations and the like. But this is the first actual exam. I'm quite pleased with the work I did today and feel so 2008 for deciding to record all my exam notes onto MP3 and play them on my way to and from work each day. God, I AM a nerd.

So, in the spirit of nerdiness I find myself having a Saturday evening in and online. Can't believe I took those for granted for such a long time. Weird though it may sound, I used to have a very active and encompassing digital life. This was all loooooooooong before social networking sites were trendy and years before Facebook became what it is. I have to say I kind of miss it. Perhaps it accounts for so many of my failed relationships. Let's just put it this way, my last girlfriend suggested that she felt we were closer and "saw" more of each other when we were in a long-distance Net-based relationship. What are you going to do?

Anyway... the point of all this is that I read about a new Google option which allows you to bump up or delete search results. Of course I went straight to Google and tried. Didn't work. I'm guessing you need to be signed in to make use of it. This then led to that guilty pleasure, that masturbation-level sin, the funnest of fun : googling one's self. I haven't done this in well over a year. There are now 277 results for my name. It wasn't al that long ago that results for my name were well under 50.

So who does Google tell me I am? I'm dead many times over. I'm a long sought after brother. I'm a contributor to BBC News forums. A trustee and chairperson of a cemetery. A company director. And the El Presidente of a community college gay-straight alliance. Phew... it's amazing I have any time at all!

Will be giving serious consideration over the Christmas period as to whether I will stay with my current employers, stay in Singapore or move to a different country. While all these thoughts flit about my head at the moment I dare not dwell too long as there're just too many other things to focus on. Oh well, only 11 more days...

Bi-mon-satay-con

For a couple of months now, S and I have been scheming to start up a Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con (or Bi-monthly-science-fiction-convention for the uninitiated). As I currently have the Sci Fi channel, the plan is basically taping a random episode of pretty much every current series and then watch them in one marathon session. I've taped the shows, the list including Star Trek Next Gen, Firefly, The Outer Limits, Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, Sliders and maybe one or two others I'm currently forgetting. Circumstances (and by this I mean visitors and my current study) have conspired against the inaugral Singapore Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con. Schedule is currently looking very bleak as we both deal with visitors and I move into the final, sanity defying phase of the course.

We've even added to the value of the day by agreeing it's important that we both try to identify a theme which runs through all of these random episodes of the disparate series'. Now it's gotten the final virgin nipple that tips this from a geekfest into the realm of glorious, messianic confluence of all things wonderful. I was walking home from work tonight and decided that the best possible thing I could have for dinner was satays from Satay Street (yes, there IS such a thing! I know how jealous you all are mwuahahahaha). I texted S to gloat and he came back with one profound and defining word : Bi-Mon-Satay-Con.

So that's it. We get random episodes of now defunct science fiction tv show AND satays. This has to happen. Soon.

The world is getting dumber...

This will be all over the blogosphere within a couple of hours, but everytime I think about it I want to scratch out my eyes and burn all the entire judicial system. I'm figuring it'll be some kind of giant wicker man that I can pretty easily set fire to and then *poof* no more law.

A UK woman has escaped jail for having sex with a 14 year old boy. Besides the stupidity of such a decision, can we just imagine for a second that it was a 40 year old man that had sex with a 14 year old girl. Hoooooooooooooow many years do you think he'd get? I imagine he'd be getting comfy for at least 5-7 years. Not to mention the public outcry and the familiar new millennium refrain that men are evil. Let's face it people, men do horrible things, women do horrible things and anyone that takes a child to bed should be in jail.

I wonder whether the "I'm a sad and lonely man" defence will sort me out should I encounter any future problems with the law.
Didn't pay your parking fines for a couple of years? I'm sad and lonely!
Stole that sparkly lipgloss that tastes like strawberries? I'm sad and lonely!
Murdered your wife in a fit of rage? I'm sad and lonely-er!

How my logic works

Not sure whether I actually blogged about this...

When I was on Bintan I wandered through the resort's zoo. One of the exciting things I saw was a giant python in a three by three metre tank. It was just huge. It's belly was probably about the size of both my thighs put together. I wondered what they fed it. Seems to me that a few mice wouldn't satisfy this beasty.

That night as I slept I dreamt that I was back at the python tank. One of the resort workers was feeding the python. As I leaned in closer to see exactly what it was they were feeding the python, I realised that they were actually feeding the python baby pandas! In the dream, I thought to myself - wow, at least now I know why there are so few pandas left in the world!

Wagging school

S was skiving off work yesterday so he called me up and asked me to come and hang out. The last time we'd done something like this (and we used to do it *very* regularly) was when we were in our final year of high school. Oh how things have changed. But it's very nice to step back into the past. Between this and a Sonic Youth revival I'm beginning to think I should just rent out a room in 1996.

Seen but not heard

Fantastic article in The Age today about migrant workers in Dubai. For the record... it's absolutely no different here in Singapore. It's just that nobody wants to talk about human rights abuse.

I see the girls walk by dressed in their Summer clothes...

Scary when you craft a really long post and then have to delete it all because you're in very practical danger of becoming a whiny bitch.
In short :
-thumbs up for economic ruin
- thumbs down for rich expat women who can't even be arsed looking after their own children. Oh! I forgot - that's what maids are for!
- thumbs down for study in all its forms
- thumbs up for dinners in Little India, really need to do that this week...
- thumbs up for Andrew Corrie joining Collingwood
- thumbs down for being in Singapore when you need to be back in Melbourne for people, even though you being there would do nothing whatsoever
- thumbs up for planned trips back to Melbourne
- thumbs for turning my own blog into an emo playground

Cheesecake afterglow

I've mentioned before that I've been told and learnt that Singapore is a small place. Sometimes you get reminded of this. Today an ex-student of mine from Melbourne ran into me randomly in Plaza Sing. He had told me he was coming to live here and we'd been in touch a couple of months ago, however with the deletion of my Facebook account he would have had no way to contact me. So it's incredibly fortunate that he bumped into me and we were able to exchange contact details. Anyhow, the migration from Melbourne to Singapore continues. That's three friends from Melbourne who have moved here in the eighteen months since I arrived. After years of never having any home people when I've been doing the ex-pat thing, I must confess that this is a very refreshing change.

Did some exam preparation today which went swimmingly. My boss was very impressed considering how little work I have done towards it so far. That is, until he asked me to write out some phonemic script and it became obvious that I was very, very illiterate in this area. I don't know whether to be chuffed or annoyed at myself regarding the shock and disappointment in his eyes when he realised this. Admittedly he said he didn't learn it backwards until this stage in the course when he was undertaking it. But I guess he just assumed I knew it. I guess it speaks well of how management regard me that this would come as a shock to them, however it does underline my own feeling that I pull the wool over everyone's eyes and that I've now been partially exposed for the fraud I am hehe. My boss didn't really care but he *very* strongly advised me to get on the horse and make it happen. Sigh... like there's not enough.

Had a lovely night of many entrees and drinks with S and A at Chjimes tonight. I almost never go there, but we were around. We actually went to (hide your disdain please!!!) Harry's and had "crazy hour" drinks and satays, nachos, caesar salad and hot wings. i never claimed it was healthy but I can divulge that it was delicious. This was followed up with Chocolate Volcano and Cheesecake at Bobby's next door. As a non-dessert kind of guy I can tell you that these were special. Right down to me commandeering the last bite for myself (a rare moment of selfishness, but if you'd tasted this cheesecake you would understand).

Just when you think you're not 16 anymore...

This year has been a frustrating, tiring and ultimately mistake-laden one. I'm just beginning to see the end of the course I've been doing. To compare it to scratching nails down a chalkboard is to downplay the harmonies that creates. I have one more observation left, an extended assignment and an exam. I say that like it's fingers snappable and done. The truth? A bit further than that. But it does seem more foreseeable than it did even a few weeks ago. After bunkering down for the past week and a half moaning about the decisions that I myself made I feel as though I've woken up. Still moaning, but awake. It's never a good sign when even seeing hot girls in the street just doesn't make me turn my head. I aced (I think!) the observation I had today. This is a very very good thing as this course has been slowly sucking my confidence away. A now departed friend told me it would, but I figured I could handle anything that the course could throw. I'm handling. I wouldn't say well, but colleagues have told me that I'm exactly where I should be at this point in the course : fed up, disgusted, exhausted, irrational and completely de-motivated.

The more the year has progressed the more I've begun to miss writing (and blogging). Perhaps that's because I'm writing roughly 5000 words a month in addition to all the reading, a full-time workload and pretending that I still have a social life that is in any way meaningful. Destructive nights of stress relief don't count. I read a book of Raymond Carver short stories while I was away the week before last. The first recreational novel reading I've done since before the course began. Raymond Carver's a weird one for me. I adore his stuff, and being such a huge Murakami fan that makes perfect sense. But in actual fact the first time I bought a Carver book was by accident. I went to the bookshop looking for a Raymond Chandler book, and paying complete and total attention I picked up a Carver book because it had the name Raymond. As I wandered over to the book counter I realised my mistake but read the blurb anyway. The blurb became the first sentence of the first story in What We Talk About When We Talk About Love and then I was walking away with a new author to mull over. Carver speaks about the way things are. Not the blood and guts. Seems more like the puss and excrement. The real stuff. It's not that it's graphic. Just that it's about people that are alone, even with all the people in the world around them. So yeah, there's some appeal to my inner self-obsessiveness there.

Her hair's still all over the floor and in my bed and underfoot. Another top to bottom clean of the apartment is due. It's hard sometimes for people to understand that a breakup can be just as hard for the breaker as it is for the broken. Maybe everyone just ends up broken after these things. Whichever way I spin it to myself the apartment needs cleaning. Wednesday. Maybe even tomorrow afternoon.

Back to my little corner of the Interweb

I did a wonderful thing the other day. After a month of deliberation, I finally deleted my Facebook account. Gone from my bookmarks. No more hotlink icon. No more checking it 5 times a day. Yes, I was one of them. A CrackBook addict. So in a fit of "why/how do all these people track me down", I've finally taken the step and killed it. I'll miss all those lonely nights that CrackBook kept me warm and safe. The way it allowed me to look up ex-girlfriends just to see if they had an account. All those "great" videos I got sent, though 99 Words for Boobs will always have a special place in my heart. And even, even the random people that you knew 10 years ago who are suddenly tracking you down. It's this last group that make CrackBook so addictive and also so repellent. Ultimately, I guess I do feel a bit sorry for the FluffPet I'm leaving to die an InterWeb death.

So I'm back here more permanently. Watch this space.

Prolific Much

Well, as I farewelled my team for season 2008, a week earlier than I'd anticipated I might add, it occurred to me that no matter how many people fawn over me and gush about what a good father I would make, the facts are that I'm probably not ready to have one. I think I enjoy a beer, the football and some scantily clad girls dancing nearby a little too much.

Everything, and I do mean everything, was removed from my coffee table and presented to me. Thanks. You can just leave that there. No, I don't want that. Don't put you finger in there!!

Sigh...

My swinging bachelor pad is soooooooooo not child proof. I almost had my keys thrown out of my apartment. Which may sound like nothing, but when you have a latch lock... which is LOCKED, it's a small problem. So I've done my thing, for which my friend's wife should thank me, because I've given her her first night child-free in over a month. A such a good person sometimes. I think people misconstrue my ability to deal with children as having the makings of a good father. The reality is that I think I make a great uncle. The uncle who downs beer at a party, throws the kid around and keeps him/her entertained while the parents get some time away from the craziness, but also the same uncle that gets to hand the little filthpot back at the end of the evening and think to myself "Geez, I'm glad that's not me!".

Invasion

Two weirds things infringing on my sense of privacy in the last two days.

1) My girlfriend's sister's boyfriend's mother lives in my apartment building. Still with me? Weird weird coincidence. I only met him for the first time last Saturday and then saw him coming out of my lift. We said hi, but I think we were both a tad unsure whether we were actually seeing reality or not.

This bugs me largely because I like to believe I live in a bubble removed from everything I know in the outside world. Not connected to girlfriends, co-workers, friends, families or any other associated things. So I know it's ridiculous, but having a 6-degrees style someone I "know" living in my building freaks me out a little bit. I enjoy the anonymous stranger routine. Someone did say shortly after I arrived in Singapore that it is a very very small place and they're right.

2) My neighbour, who is also my landlord, called and said she wanted to take a serviceman into my apartment to check the airconditioner. This is a perfectly reasonable request (which I granted) but got off the phone feeling all insecure and funny inside because she was going into my apartment when I wasn't there. Admittedly there's nothing to hide in there, though I may have done something about some of the beer cans. The rest was actually very clean, right down to only having one dirty plate and one knife in the sink waiting to be washed. I'm pretty sure that's some kind of record for a bachelor. Guess I'm just the type who doesn't like to have my things rifled through. It's one of the reasons I don't have housemates.

Do you like it here?

It was asked in all innocence. An earnest desire on the part of the speaker to see what the future of life in Singapore may hold. Truth be told, it's highly likely I asked exactly this question of others after I arrived. The answer? Well, that's a tad more complicated. As with any place there are things that irritate me here. There are things I really enjoy. I answered that I did like it here and that part of that is because I have a better quality of life than if I did the equivalent job back in Melbourne. For all the drawbacks, the benefits are able to heft their way weight around in a sumo knockout. I meet a lot of people here. I meet the SPGs who desperately want to leave Singapore even though they don't even know why. I meet the locals who are never leaving and don't see anything beyond what Mediacorp tells them. I meet the other locals who see the trees, the forest and the whole damn ecosystem but know there's nothing they can do to affect change in a country that requires any regular gathering of more than 10 people to be registered with the government. And then I meet the foreigners. Not the Bangladeshi workers filling the backs of utility vehicles on their way to and from work each long, back-breaking day. I mean the Western professionals, usually male and often white. Or the fat cats as I call them. The fat cats are an interesting lot. They dine in nice restaurants, drink in Clarke Quay or Dempsey Hill and never tire of complaining about rental prices and the effects of the American economic crisis on their precious little bubble in Singapore. The irony of their complaints about rent and cost of living is that their company usually pays their rent or at least gives them a rental allowance and that in actuality they don't struggle for anything. Oh for a life where economic crisis meant only going to Bintan or Malacca once a month instead of twice. Then there are the foreigners who don't actually earn all that much - still very high by local standards but not enough that they are partying at Emerald Hill 5 nights a week. Yes, I meet all of these people, and that probably factors into why I'm comfortable living here. It's not a matter of loving it, because I'm not sure it's possible to genuinely love a country like this (despite all the flags adorning apartments right now), but it's a country where you can be. Find your little niche, your way of doing things and the places and people you enjoy and just get on with your life.

I did something this morning I haven't done in a long long time. I checked out a host of Singaporean blogs I'd let lie dormant for a long period of time. Geez, I really don't know why I bothered. They're either middle-aged white men chasing barely legal girls around the island while laying claims to some philosophical or intellectual height (sorry, you're just pervy old men that are impressive to girls in their late teens and very early twenties) or 30-something Singaporean women discussing shopping and singleness. The latter I have less problem with as there's at least an element of interest there but the former are just so transparent that even the blind have no trouble seeing through them. So I'm sticking back with the one Sg blog I occasionally read and will try again in a few months and see if there are any new ones worth reading.

I think I should go buy a board game and have a games night. I'm totally burnt out on going out. I like Trivial Pursuit. Scrabble... depends on who I'm playing with. Not much interested in playing Scrabble with people who use a Scrabble dictionary in which words that are NOT part of the English language (or any other for that matter) are acceptable fodder. Guess Who? Too short. Twister? Feels a bit Swinger-ish to be playing that at my age. Operation? Again too short. Monopoly? Can be too involved in the sense that if people don't want to trade then you just end up with a long, boring, dead game. I've never played the Game of Life but have heard good things. Similarly Clue but I'm not sure about this one as I've heard tell of some co-workers who have Nights at their house in which they all dress up and be the characters. I still giggle about that.

My football team are an inconsistent blight on my happiness. They're on the verge of not making the finals this year so they conceded a game last Friday night before it had even begun. Our defensive arc is made up of relatively inexperienced players. They've done/do very well, but against powerhouse ega-forwards, they're going to be shown up. That's life, no problem. However it was decided that our our only remaining elder statesman defender would be "rested" for the week. Honestly, who rests their best defender for a game which has so much riding on it? It broke my heart to think that my team conceded a game before it had begun. And there's nothing they did on the field that night that could convince me otherwise.

Fitter Happier More Productive

Have pushed it to the brink of exhaustion over the past month. Sick twice, submitted two assignments and two resubmits and have worked on through the entire way. Yes, all hail me. I think I look good in martyr's clothing. It fits nicely.

Read an interesting article by Sumiko Tan in one of the Sg rags on the weekend. She wrote about how unmarried people are actually severely disadvantaged in the work place. This is an issue that never really meant much until I moved here and saw how many co-workers take time off. How many of them blame it on their children. How any slight emergency becomes a red flag for unlimited days off. How they generally get better schedules (less nights, less weekends) than unmarried types. And yet, the unmarrieds are the ones who very very rarely take time away from work for any reason. They cost the company less as the company doesn't need to provide medical insurance or flights for any dependents. The most insulting thing is the 2 days off extra a year (this is going to seem petty...) that people with children get off to attend to "family matters", which is theoretically reserved for things like parent/teacher interviews etc. Sorry, but I don't give a toss about other people's parent/teacher nights. I don't get 2 "recovery" days off per year for all the boozing and random sex that we unmarried types supposedly do and have. If the decision to over-populate or accidentally copulate is worthy of 2 extra days off a year then surely my own decision to engage in extreme hedonism is an equally valid lifestyle choice (and less damaging on the environment too!). Where are my 2 days off?

I really couldn't care less about the course I'm doing. It's bullshit hoop-jumping that has no basis in the real workplace. It's essentially 1950's style education masquerading as 21st century edu-trainment. Relevance? Zip. None. Nothing. Of course it means $1500 extra a month to me upon completion, but I really wonder whether it's worth it. If anything, and make no mistake because I love my job, it's made me that little bit more determined to leave it behind and try something else entirely. I can always come back to this later. After 8 years of doing this, I'm starting to feel the burn. More importantly, I want to challenge myself. Of course I can always be better at my current job, if I didn't think that then I wouldn't be very good at it, but I also think I have achieved a certain level of expertise where I wonder how much further I can realistically go. So once this course wraps up it will be on to the real pondering about what to do next. The biggest problem about a total career change when you have little experience outside one industry is that I want to stay in Singapore (for now anyway). Guess I'll answer these questions more thoroughly when I have more time to think about them.

What Teachers Really Mean on Report Cards :

XXXX struggles to maintain concentration in class and often engages in conversations in other languages instead.

XXXX doesn't care for this class, he has no interest in any activities we do (and I've been through the entire book trying to see what will work for him) and is generally unpleasant to be around. I'd rather he weren't in this class.

XXXX needs to listen carefully to teacher instructions and ask questions when she doesn't understand.

XXXX has no idea what's going on, and with 19 other students in the room, it's tough to make this the one on one tuition that your child so desperately needs.

XXXX gets distracted easily.

XXXX is a complete tool and would benefit from a healthy parental spanking.

XXXX always tries hard in class.

XXXX still doesn't get it, but at least he's not a complete tool.

Now

Things that are good :

- Vertigo is good
- Grant Morrison psychodelia
- Cats are very very good
- Declining a job interview because you actually like your job
- Collingwood makes me feel warm inside
- BBC Entertainment channel
- Remembering that you live in a tropical country and enjoying a beer outdoors at night
- Batman movies
- Lego games
- Looney Tunes archive
- Podcasts
- Only having to wait one more day

Things that are bad :

- Never quite being able to relax because you know study is there spinning webs in the back of your mind
- Suicides on the floor above you
- Unbelievable downpours when you really need a taxi
- Needless approval by 18 different people just to get something simple done
- Getting up in the morning
- Ants. Ants make me very spanky

Career Path

In the space of a couple of hours last night I had my thoughts on jobs and what they mean for the people who do them challenged. Perhaps it's better to say that the subject came up and I gave it minimal thought. Yeah, that seems a bit more like it.

I met a Swiss watchmaker for Bulgari. Very very cool guy, but his reaction to my reaction to his job was interesting. When I he told me, I commented "Wow, that's really cool!". He looked at me with just the slightest hint of exasperation and said "Everyone says that, I don't know why."
So what is it that makes meeting a Swiss watchmaker so damn cool? I think it's the idea of living a stereotype and also the idea that this guy can get inside the guts of something and rebuild it blindfolded. That has enormous entertainment value for me, though I'm sure he'd get sick of me getting drunk and pulling him out as a party favour.
"Hey look guys, it's a Swiss watchmaker! I'm going to smash this watch, blindfold him and watch him put it back together. The book is now open - opening bets start at $10!"... I'm really not a very good friend am I?

In case you need instructions on repairing your watch :


I also met a senior purchasing officer for Panasonic. Nerdy, petite, the whole librarian thing going for her . She revealed to me that she's also a Body Combat instructor. But wha..?! Yes, a body combat instructor. It reminded me so much of the Clark Kent change into Superman that I was distracted all night. Mild-mannered purchasing officer by day, microphone-toting, spandex-wearing combat instructor by night. I wonder if she gets her own phone booth with the gig.

In case you need to know exactly what body combat is here's a random guy in red trackies laying the moves :


So in the space of two hours I see someone living the stereotype and someone blatantly flouting the laws of accepted convention. Sigh... people are naughty for messing with my mind like this.

Oh yes, and here's a Superman changing in a phonebox. I like it when he "flies".

Misery

Some dreams are stranger than others. Last night I awoke fresh from being held captive in my landlord's apartment in a situation very reminiscent of Misery. I'm still shivering...

I'm a bad man

I'm a bad person and an enemy of the environment. I may even change the name of this blog to Eco-9/11.

Australia has green bags. The kind you buy at the supermarket for a dollar and then bring with you each time so that you are not wasting plastic bags which end up in the ocean strangling dolphins... or something like that anyhow. The general result? Everyone uses them (I'm making a broad statement but I think it's close to the mark).

I've seen one or two people with them in Singapore but haven't been able to buy any. Besides, as a single guy who shops on the spur of the moment, without a car no less, I likely wouldn't remember to bring it with me on the off chance that I did indeed go shopping. Wednesdays, as of this week, however are "Bring Your Own Bag" day. I think that one's self-explanatory. When the cashier asked where my bag was I couldn't help but look at her, utterly stupefied. Errrr... I left it in my other bag..?

Graciously she consented to giving me some plastic ones to carry my goods home. As I left the supermarket I began to notice the looks. Those looks. The ones I so smugly reserve for people who can't control their children because they only ever take care of them on Sundays when the maid is unavailable. The look that paints horror and disapproval in one crushing grimace of guilt. I was getting those. All because I had no idea it was Bring Your Own Bag day and am not in the habit of planning my spur of the moment jaunts to the supermarket. Maybe I should start planning my spontaneity in the future. Mother Earth might love me then.

On Why Men Aren't Getting Married...

I feel less inclined to write about relationship issues these days because, frankly, I find the whole topic kind of tedious. Additionally, it's rare that anyone has anything to say on a blog on the matter that hasn't been said before or doesn't sound trite.

So... at the risk of being trite...

I came across this article which basically says that many men are remaining single because they are more concerned about having a bad marriage than the ever-popular myth that men don't want a marriage at all. Now I have to say that I agree wholeheartedly with this point of view. I do want to get married, but the idea that I may end up in a bad marriage, or worse yet a boring one, scares the shit out of me. It accounts for some of the carnage I have left behind me in previous relationships, which is not to say that I may not have been in error in at least one of these cases. I don't subscribe to the "divorce is the reason why I'm too scared to get married" theory. That sounds like classic boohoo, wah-wah and smacks of a convenient scapegoat rather than looking at deeper issues. After all, I am not a product of divorce and yet here I am, in the same boat as many other men.

Anyhow, as I mentioned earlier, I'm really not that interested in getting into such topics. However I couldn't help but notice then end of the article where the researcher goes on to say he looked around at the people he was researching and promptly moved in with his girlfriend and is considering marriage. So his real conclusion was not that men are scared to get married but that most of those men are a bunch of sad fucks and he didn't want to end up like them. Weird way to sell your book...

The Future is Now

Is it just me that finds the fact that the Brit's new communication system is called Skynet a tad frightening?

The Obesity Bomb

After some time waiting I got back the first mark for the distance part of my current study and got a pass. I'm still not sure how this happened but I'll take it. I probably should be putting in more effort than I currently am, but given that I'm doing the course as a hoop-jumping exercise for my current employers I promised myself I wouldn't let this completely consume my life - something that all previous participants in the course insist happens. So I'm trying to maintain a bit of self in the midst of this chaos. Unfortunately I don't have holidays again until September and I'm already beginning to feel the need for a few days off. Fortunately my life in Singapore seems to move in the opposite of dog years (cat years?) i.e. long stretches of time move remarkably quickly.

A friend called tonight to see how I was doing and he laughed hysterically when I told him I was sitting on the couch watching a film about cheerleaders (Bring It On : All or Nothing for those keeping score). It made me think... am I now too old to be watching movies about cheerleaders? The answer is, probably... yes. Since before I was a teenager I enjoyed movies about teenagers (Teen Wolf, Breakfast Club etc) and I guess I have a certain nostalgia for that film genre. It's only when you tell someone that has no fondness for the genre that you're watching it that the ludicrousness of it all actually comes into focus. Ultimately I guess I'm just killing time. Living by one's self does that to you.

I love the freedom of living by myself. All my idiosyncrasies are on display and unable to annoy anyone. Although I did look in my fridge yesterday and get the shock of my life. My fridge contained :

- all the ingredients for making tacos (I had friends coming for lunch)
- two apples
- two bottles of soft drink
- a can of green tea
- a bag of Freddo Frogs
- cheese slices
- eggs
- soy sauce
- chilli sauce
- tomato sauce
- frozen hamburgers
- frozen vegetables
- icy poles
- a bottle of Vodka
- 4 cans of beer

If you try unbelievably hard you can make a meal with those things. Or at least some kind of obesity bomb. I really am like a bachelor from a bad American sitcom. So yes, I've turned into a cliche. The only part that actually disturbs me about all this is that if it goes on too long I will at some point become so set in my ways that I will be unable to live with anything other than cats ever again. No problem with the cat part, just a little concern about the vision of me at 45 with 8 housecats, 5 outdoor cats and the occasional stray all hunkering down for a meal together each night in liu of any actual proper human contact.

At least if that happens I'll get my own theme music.

Da na nana na na na Da na nana na na naaaaaa... Cat-Man! Cat-man! Cat-Maaaaaaaaaan!

The Spy Who Knew Me

Perhaps this situation is more common than I think it is, but here we go. I met a woman about a month back in a bar. We drank, laughed and shared a taxi partway to our respective houses. Nothing at all happened, nor am I interested in her that way. However, I must say she is a fascinating creature. She's half Hawaiian-half Indian, cruises around the world on a US passport and has a security pass for the embassy here in Sg. The security pass was what set my initial alarm bells off. You only get those if you actually work there. In the course of conversation she told me that she had been doing charity work around Holland area and had come back to spend a couple of months with her parents after being away for almost two years. We've met up a few times since and yesterday she asked me to meet up because she was heading away to Malaysia on Friday. I couldn't because I had work to do but that's by the by. When I asked her when she'd be back she messaged back that she didn't know.

So let's add some of this stuff up :
- Ill-defined and difficult to check-up upon job CHECK
- Mysterious trips to the port in the early morning and refusing to explain why she was heading there CHECK
- Security pass for the embassy despite being a civilian CHECK
- Trips overseas which have no return date CHECK
- Vivacious personality and elegant looks CHECK
- Independently wealthy CHECK (sorry, but if you have that much money and do charity work then you're either rich or you have another job entirely)

If she's not a spy then God knows who could be one!!

Though if she gave such obvious clues away then she'd be a pretty crappy spy...

You live in the Heartlands now

I've moved into Singaporean government housing, which is very different to our Western convention of government housing - which is always for low income earners and crime-ridden. I'm sure I'd be safe in saying that the vast majority of Singaporeans live in this kind of housing. Needless to say, it's hot here, so people keep their windows open. As you walk past you can smell the food cooking and hear the tv blaring. Miniature gardens adorn the walkways out the front of apartments and the forecourts out the front are a breeding ground for strays of every kind. I love cats so this really isn't a big deal for me.

I'm living in an estate, where there are many many residential buildings. The estates here are unique in that the first floors are generally taken up by shops and restaurants. It's truly amazing because these shops are generally cheaper than a supermarket or anywhere else for that matter. It may only be a matter of 50 cents for the average item but I can see that for people with families this would really add up over the course of a month. I spent $1.90 on dinner this evening. I'm sure this will all become very humdrum after a couple of months of living here, but as a total outsider this has severe novelty value for me.

It's also very strange for me as someone who grew up in the suburbs of Melbourne. Living in a big house and only vaguely knowing the neighbours and a handful of people in my street (usually because they had children of a similar age), the idea of living in this kind of estate is positively mind-blowing. I'm sure most Singaporeans would laugh at this notion, but to me I walk through the estate and I see a community. I see people sitting outside on public seating chatting to one another, there's the lady who goes around the estate filling up cups of water for the strays and then there's the hawker centre in the middle of the estate upon which people converge to eat, talk and drink some Tiger. I'm very sure that these estates have their issues, their racial disharmony and their petty arguments between neighbours, but ultimately I walk through this place and get a sense of community. Which is something I think is rapidly being extinguished in Western countries in favour or privacy and security (of which I'm also in favour hehe).

I don't friend you

As I waited at the Starhub store the other day to change address and sort my renewal of contract I happened to notice the two children beside me. The young boy, who was no more than 6, was sitting there writing a list of the people he "friended" and the people he "doesn't friend". Similar to a friends and enemies list, it's much much cuter when it's divided into people we friend and people we don't friend.

Am sitting here in my new apartment, hot but content. Singapore has been frightful the last week or so. The sun is shining and the humidity is sapping my will to do... well... pretty much anything at all. For some bizarre reason the assignment I submitted last weekend uploaded as a blank document. Given that I missed a deadline for a non-assessed piece of work I'm now looking like a prize fool. Have suggested to the course tutor that I email my assignments at the same time as I upload them as a gesture of good faith.

But yes, I find myself once more living alone in a foreign country. The last time I did this was when I was living in Shanghai which was a bizarre experience unto itself (during the SARS scare). I know a lot of people don't, but I quite enjoy living by myself. I'm a fairly sociable creature but living alone gives me some serious time to myself even if that just means sitting on my arse updating my blog.

Saw Iron Man last night. Lots of fun, a smart script in many places helped along by Downey Jnr's performance, some great futurist tech and a very pretty looking suit of armour. I wasn't actually expecting to enjoy this one quite so much, but its a very nice start to the Summer blockbuster season. Bring on the Bat!

New Home

So after much deliberation, phone calls and looking at dirty, poorly kept apartments I have managed to find something. Have signed the lease and will move in gradually over the next week, if I ever find the time between work and my assignments. This is one of those times where it sucks not having a car as I'll have to make several trips in taxis to get my stuff there. I'm paying more than I wanted to but am happier and happier the more I think about the apartment. There's heaps of space so I'll be able to really settle in and get some work done now.

Am starting back at work tomorrow, which is usually something people dread after 3 weeks off. Me? I can't wait. Admittedly I've been in at work several times over the past week or so, including being there all of yesterday afternoon. My new schedule is exciting and my days off work much better for me. Previously my days off were Sunday/Monday but now I have a "normal" weekend which is great for however long that lasts.

Out for drinks a few nights back, I ended up meeting and drinking with a group of regional tobacco salesmen. Talking, talking, talking and then the most senior of them asked me what I did for a living. When I told him I got this pained look that said "Oh my God, you're the scum of the Earth and how can you afford to drink in this expensive bar". I have to love the irony of being looked down upon by someone that sells tobacco in Asia. This guy was the stereotypical rich, white expatriate. Flush with funds, always eager to take a hooker home and an automatic authority on every possible subject known to man whilst being exceptionally close-minded when it comes to any kind of alternative opinion. I do know quite a few lovely expats (outside of my co-workers who are generally very nice) but many of the others are just know-it-all alcoholics with a penchant for SE Asian pussy. Excuse my French.

My friend's wife arrived yesterday so I am theoretically trying to finish up all my work so we can go for a couple of drinks later this afternoon. Obviously, my sitting here typing isn't even subtle procrastination. More like very direct avoidance.

It's a Small World Afterall

When I first arrived here I was told that Singapore is a very small place. Coming from a city with a similar population, I understood it but didn't read too much into it. Over a few drinks in Holland Village yesterday my friends and I bumped into a girl from our work. She was with a group of her friends at another bar. As they were leaving our co-worker came over and said hi. I introduced myself to her friends and one of them turns around and remarks that she knew me. I looked her up and down, racking my brain, thinking "oh God, please let this not be an embarrassing thing". But no. She said I was sitting next to her in a restaurant a few days prior and I said to the person I was with how good her food smelled. And indeed, I had said exactly that at a Taiwanese restaurant a few days earlier. Granted I didn't recognise her in the slightest but it was a strange coincidence nonetheless.

Will boycotting Carrefour and KFC send any kind of proper message to anyone other than CEOs and shareholders of the above corporations? Having spoken about this very issue yesterday, this article provoked a bit further thought on my part. Nationalism is a powerful force particularly when a country feels that they have been slighted by another country/countries. In this century alone we've seen the Americans react strongly on a national level to (unequivocally) a tragedy. Now we're seeing it again with China. Though this is not quite on the same scale as the first example, the end result is much the same - people are incredibly upset, people are making wild assertions based on zero evidence and diplomacy between the countries involved is icy.

It's a complex issue because as Westerners we believe our media is a far more reliable source than one directly controlled by the government in a country where everything from blogs to YouTube is censored. So we have a situation where one party feels that they know the truth (and I happen to be a member of that camp) and another party who have total faith in their government and have been raised on an edited historical record since birth. Therefore, to them, that history stands as truth. As Westerners we question our media, often obsessively and this is where blogs have actually become an integral and powerful part of the media dialogue in our countries. Obviously, that's a dangerous thing when you are trying to control the media outright. Just makes you wonder how widespread this all is. It was only recently that a Singaporean politician warned of the possible advent of rampant anti-Western sentiment in China because of these torch protests.

Having lived in Shanghai for a period, is it just me who thinks it's odd that a country which has very little in the way of wheelchair access and facilities for the disabled is currently hailing a disabled athlete as a national hero?
And yes, obviously I think it's a disgrace that protesters would attack someone that is disabled.

Dagnabbit!

I'm not sure when exactly it happened, but I realise I have become an old man. I'm making Grandpa Simpson look reasonable.

Exhibit A :
I listen to talkback podcasts both from Australia and on the BBC. Talkback!!!! I do listen to it often to hear the crazies. But where is this leading? Do I move from amused bystander (by-listener?) to actually making calls myself? The worst part is that I've actually been tempted to call in. Sigh... this is a bad sign.

Exhibit B :
This should be prefaced by saying that for some reasons Singaporeans think it's ok to talk noisily through a movie. Seemingly the other patrons think this is ok too because noone ever says anything. I went to see a film by myself yesterday (I do that a lot here because I often have time free during the day). It was a thriller and was hinged upon dialogue between the characters with some random acts of torture thrown in. So a group of teenagers came in and began their noisy conversation. I gave the usual glares etc, which may have been ineffective given how dark it was in the cinema. This went on for some time and eventually the pulsating vein in my head popped. I stood up, went the two rows behind me and told the kids "If you guys don't shut the fuck up I'll take you outside and make this movie look like a picnic." Needless to say, they were very very quiet for the rest of the film.

Now I'm not a bulky guy. I'm sure they would have been the ones making the movie look like a picnic. However I think what caused me to get up was the horrendous hangover that had been plaguing me since I arrived home at 6am that morning. I felt really awful about saying this to a bunch of teenagers (even though I would never follow through on such a threat in a million years) but also quite empowered. I just can't understand why anyone would spend money to go and see a film and then talk all the way through it.

But yes, apparently I'm now engaging in old man grumpiness.

That crazy place called 'Gym'

As I'm trying to be good, and my current holidays allow it, I'm back at the gym once more. I saw Salsa today at the gym. As usual she danced around and did her dream-like thing. At one point she danced up to me as I took a breather between sets and high-fived me. Oh God, I'm being high-fived in the gym. I'm so not that guy. Nor am I the guy that drinks protein shakes, which really smell quite foul I might add. They have this unnatural smell that lies someone between medicine and obsession. I sometimes think I am the only guy that goes to that gym that is not drinking protein shakes or steroid juice.

In case it appears that I'm some kind of gym junkie - Im not. Far from it. I mostly go to the gym to work off hangovers and guilt over my relentless lifestyle and often have a cigarette as soon as I get out. Yeah, real healthy.

Salsa actually called me last Saturday afternoon under the pretense of finding out some more info about what kind of apartment I was looking for. Conversation meandered and she's charged me with the task of finding a nice white guy in his 50s. Yes, I'm Sox the Matchmaker now. I told her that I didn't know many men in their 50s and certainly none that I would introduce to a lonely divorcee. Most of the men I know in their 50s here are right prats who would have trouble providing the usual stability of a relationship outside of cashflow. I did ask Salsa about her dancing, which she is happy to talk about at length. At one point she said that "the music is in me" and that she often cooks with the gas on low so she can dance at the same time. Yes, this verges on weirdness but it's also kind of intriguing in the sense that I genuinely believe the universe does actually sing to her and she has little choice but to follow the tune.

House-hunting

The Great Property Hunt of 2008 is going somewhat disastrously. Despite having numerous agents searching for me, none are able to come up with anything. Many of them just blatantly don't call back after saying they will. Admittedly I do have two guys out there hunting who seem to genuinely want to help me which is lovely. That said, I'm beginning to feel that I may in fact have to resort to that most dreaded of options - sharehousing.

Now I have been in sharehouses in Wakayama, Shizuoka and Melbourne. The Melbourne experience was the only positive one and that was largely due to me living with a good (and very chilled out) friend. The two Japan experiences have ranged from average to horrendous. There was one guy I lived with that was a devout Christian and quite possibly the most boring individual I'd ever met. The one nice thing about being an ex-pat is that you get to have opinions and people want to listen. The result of this is that you also listen to other people's opinions, disagree boisterously and then laugh and buy one another a beer. Even though people disagree there's still a mutual respect for where someone is coming from and what their life experience has entailed. Of course I have my rose-coloured glasses firmly in place and am ignoring all the gigantic assholes who are unable to accept any opinion that is not their own. By and large though the life of an ex-pat is a fascinating one because you interact daily with people from all over the world. This particular housemate though was something else. Utterly unable to accept any other kind of lifestyle or opinion our relationship was handicapped from the start because I got *that feeling*.

I may not be very bright and I may make some very poor decisions in my life, but the one thing I can, and have always been able to, rely on is my initial instincts when I meet people. They rarely fail me and when I met this housemate I just knew there was something "off" about him. I had to be taken from the room by a friend one night when he entered into a conversation about porn in Japan that I was having with some friends. He told us very seriously that porn was adultery. While I would definitely argue this point I also knew there was little point with a guy like him. And fair enough anyway, as a religious pundit he's entitled to that opinion - after all, it's not really one that hurts anyone. He then went on to expand his idea to include the very notion of thinking about another woman was adultery. Yes, you read right. By this logic one is committing adultery every time they see a hot girl on the street and their imagination kicks in for a few seconds before the mundaneness of everyday takes hold once more. My friend knew me quite well and could see the anger in my cheeks after he had said this so I was taken to the balcony to cool off and have a cigarette. Mission accomplished.

A postscript to all this is that directly after I left Japan, and I'm talking less than a week, he was found to have a Japanese girl stay over in his room. The girl was one of our students, no less! I have very strict ethical rules about dating students (I teach adults btw) and they basically amount to : UH UH, NO WAY, NOT EVER. Besides which it was actually a fireable offense with our employer at the time. To cap all of this off, he had a girlfriend in the States the entire time (I think they were engaged, iirc, despite her only being 19). So my instincts about that particular one were correct.

The point of all this? Wish me the biggest luck because housesharing is just so much pot luck and I never want to be in a situation again where the thought of going to my own home turns my stomach.

Underbelly

Australian television should be good but unfortunately rarely is. I have begun watching Underbelly though and it's fantastic. Watching the first episode was a bit weird when you actually know one of the main players in the series. Seeing an actor playing that person is odd and a tad scary to say the least. No, I don't know that player well at all - schoolyard connections from way too many years ago.

That said, it was a bit scary to look at the front page of The Age the other day and see this article. Wouldn't it be weird to see this guy walking down Orchard Road someday this week!

Oh yes, and one of my best friends arrives on the weekend - yay!

Salsa

I stopped collecting comics the first time I moved overseas. Once I was back in Melbourne for a long period I began again but limited myself exclusievely to American superhero fare - a far cry from where I'd left off prior to emigrating. Now with cheap comics available easily via Kinokuniya I'm collecting again. While there are the occasional superhero purchases the following makes up the bulk of what I have purchased recently. If you are a non comics reader then I can't recommend the above selection highly enough. Guess I'm heading back to a more emotion-driven indie (ish) landscape.

Went to the gym this morning and found myself confronted by Salsa (the dancing woman from the gym that I think I have mentioned in the past). She must have been bored because in addition to auctioning off her friend as a blind date (to which I declined to her annoyance) she also offered to help me with my househunting and consequently took my number and declined to give me her name because it "didn't matter". Salsa is an enigma. The middle-aged woman that dances around the gym and occasionally does a set on a machine. She's an attractive woman that offers that sense of mystery I've found so lacking in women recently. Don't mistake that on my part for interest in a romantic sense because it's not. I am OFF the market. But I am curious as hell as to who this woman is. Why does she dance alone in a public place? How can she be at the gym almost every day? Doesn't she have a job? If not, why not? And no, I don't think she's a housewife - they tend not to chat to strange Ang Mohs in the gym. So the mystery deepens. Just have to steer clear of her offers of blind dates!

Having been away for work on the back of a break-up you tend to think about what went wrong. What happened? Did I choose the wrong person? Did I break up for the wrong reasons? Etc etc. And you also do the cast-back. Comparing them to previous girlfriends and wondering whether there's a pattern to this tidal wave of breakups. It's always a bit annoying when you look back and think "Damn, I shouldn't have let that one slip away". I guess in such situations, the best you can hope for is that that person is healthy, happy and being taken care of, whether that's by another guy or just by friends and family. As mentioned, have decided to take myself completely and utterly off the market (not that I am some kind of "catch" with above average market value). Given that I'll be studying I think this is for the best. A friend gave me advice recently that was given to him by another - don't make your shopping list too long. I think there's some wisdom in this. If your shopping list is too long from the outset then you may have total blinkers on to the one thing that may be what you want in brand packaging that you never considered.

P.S. Is it just me that's weirded out by seeing a poster at the cinema today for the Sex and the City movie. The series is banned here!!!

Take 2

Looking at the previous post I can say these things with certainty :
- Getting in front of the keyboard drunk is never ever a good thing.
- Witty titles for posts are wonderful but they need to have some kind of connection to the content of the post.
- I am so much more judgmental these days than I was as a teen. This saddens me.
- I'm really not sure what the last line of that post means.

Re-Erection

I spent the last two weeks in Bangkok doing an orientation course for a distance course that will now consume the next 9 months of my life. The upside is that I passed everything when the statistical majority failed. I'd rather say little about it other than it was tough and it's very understandable why some candidates fail.

Having come out the other side of orientation, I do feel somewhat different. Sure there was the course itself, but ultimately I didn't find it anywhere near as stressful as everyone I work with said I would find it. Granted I just scraped through it, but ultimately I handed in rubbish for one assessment and still made it through - so it's all good. I'll tell them i found it horrifically tough because that's what I'm supposed to say and it's less arrogant to go down that path.

I've also seen things about myself. I thought I was the non-judgemental type. I thought I was the guy that saw every side of things. But I'm not. Seeing all the 65yo white guys with 21yo girlfriends really brought out the worst in me. Honestly there could be so many many reasons as to why a 65yo could be happy with a 21yo girl but I could see none of that. I only saw the manipulative nature of the relationship (from both sides) of the arrangement. How could either side be fulfilled?

But honestly I've dated so many older women that I should be the last person to say a word. I think the larger portion of my annoyance came from seeing the way many of these men treated women. They are just meat to most of these guys. Money doesn't equate to respect. And I think that's a lesson both sides of the equation need to learn. This is a common one in Asia. But Thailand brings out the worst in me in regards to this debate. Ultimately I think men treat women like shit in SE Asia. But then that's my judgement. And doesn't account for the people that truly fall in love. The people I truly used to think were some kind of majority. They're not a majority. But nor, perhaps, should I regard them as a minority. Maybe I'm just starting to become cynical.

I've hurt enough people. Not deliberately. But sometimes these things just happen. Despite our best intentions, someone isn't right for you. And in your heart of hearts you know that to be true. It doesn't matter. Someone is going to get hurt in such a situation. Because that's the heart and when two people whose hearts meet? Well, that's the true Hollywood romance. Because the reality is that that is what we all want. What so few of us get. It does happen. So me? Well I'm just going to stop hoping. It does work sometimes. Most of the time I can't hear that hope, but in my heart it's there. A drumbeat is loud enough no matter how low it is that it will keep us going.

Old Man Sox

Prior to leaving for Singapore I began dating a girl back in Melbourne. She was really sweet and had the job offer come a couple of months later I may well have stayed in Melbourne. As it turned out I got the job offer after we'd been dating for about 6 weeks. So I took the job. I still see her on MSN sometimes and we update one another about what's been happening and the like.

She works close to my parents home so she sees my younger brother around town. As I chatted to her this afternoon something came up about ages and she suggested that she thinks my younger brother is around 30. Which makes me...? Egad! Meesa getting older boom boom, Obi!!

So she was a fair way off with ages but that's ok. Does make me wonder though about what impression I give off? To look at me, people always assume I'm fairly young but are surprised to hear my age once they start speaking to me. Of course age is irrelevant. God knows the average age of my exes is about 7 years my senior.

I've also decided to swear off Singaporean girls. No offence to them at all but their are some cultural differences that are... how do I say it... mountainous. As someone who has lived and dated in several countries now this is a very new situation for me. I've always been the type to choose carefully and love the differences. Here I find that the expectations about relationships are fairly different. My most recent break up centred around her thinking that four dates a week was not enough. Frankly, that was as much time as I could spare so here I am back on the blog writing about dating. I did meet very briefly a cute Australian girl on the staircase of a bar the other night. I'm not really up for dating someone immediately and she was with a group of friends so I let that one slip through to the keeper.

Weird Weekend :

Had an epic night on Friday night which resulted in the arrest of one of my friends (after I'd left so I still don't know the full story). Another friend announced to me that he's dating someone new which is fantastic. Weirdly though, I know the girl and she was just texting me last week to clarify where her and I stood (which wasn't anywhere - I think everyone else wanted her and I to date because it was 'cute' for them). Think I may just keep that little nugget to myself. Then there was the club I went to where I was sitting with friends and a girl and her friend (boyfriend?) came and sat at the next table. While he danced she flirted with me and gave her phone number right in front of him. Very very weird night all told.

Back to the Gym

For the first time in 2008 I visited the gym. Of course I can detail how busy my life has been over the last few months or how the thought of going to the gym at night with the sweaty crowds makes me nauseous but the fact is I've been lazy and unmotivated. Seeing as how I'm not there to lose weight or to train for the next bodybuilding championship its often hard to find a reason to get up out of bed in the morning.

But oh, what I'd been missing! The nice thing about going to the gym mid-morning is that you always see the same people. The woman in her late-40's who dances around the gym listening to her iPod inbetween sets is a favourite. This is a woman whose face is set in a permanent grimace. Yes, she's actually scary. But the moment she saw me her face just lit up completely and she waved frantically as though I was a long-lost friend rather than the guy who pretends not to look at women inbetween sets. It's honestly one of the most bizarre and lovely things seeing this women actually dancing around the gym. It's the last thing I would expect to see in the gym, or anywhere else for that matter, but she's so into it that I can't help but love her honesty of expression.

The rest of this afternoon was spent fielding phone calls from agents as I begin the Great Property Hunt of 2008. Like many major cities the world over, Singapore is experiencing a real estate boom utterly out of proportion to the rise in most people's wages. That said, I set April as my move-out month and will hopefully have a nice little place to myself by the end of the fourth month. Am going to get a cat-friendly apartment just in case I bow down to my ever-growing desire to co-habit with a new kitty. I love living by myself but having a cat there would take the edge off the days where you sit thinking Geez, here I am by myself eating for one again. I've grown up with cats (and dogs) all my life so whenever I'm living overseas it's a hard slog to be without a pet. Seeing as how this appears to be my most 'grown-up' experience as an expat I figure I an have a cat and then take it with me when I leave.

Most ridiculous thread of the week

Somehow I look at amazing amounts of message boards for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes they are related to hobbies, often to research on consumer products or computing problems and so on. What comes from this is a constant reminder of how amazing (and sometimes very stupid) human beings can be. So periodically I will post threads that have shocked me by virtue of their stupidity, insanity or sheer endlessness.

Today's thread comes from research I was doing for some friends that are relocating to Singapore soon.
Only expats in Singapore could possibly have grocery bills that total $2500/month for a couple and one toddler. My favourite part is when the OP describes some of the things she buys, such as $15 cartons of milk which are used within a day! Amazing.

Advance Australia Fair

As someone who waited many years for Little John to leave office it's stunning to see that he still can't keep his white-bred conservative right mouth shut. As a Prime Minister who sent his country to war against the will of the people it's just vomit-inducing to watch him still banging the same old drum which promotes hate and division in a country that is built (for my generation) on the foundations of multiculturalism and tolerance. I shouldn't even blog about him but I thought he would fade into utter obscurity and here we are less than 6 months later and he's still spewing his particular brand of generation 1880 wickedness.

The issue of generation is not worth total dismissal. Howard maintained power for 12 years for two reason : 1) He appealed to the older generation who generally vote in far higher numbers than their younger counterparts and 2) He kept the economy at an all-time high. While credit for the economic state of Australia cannot be placed elsewhere, one only needs to look at economic history to see that the country, and the world for that matter, were about due an economic recession. Given that he threw his lot behind a country headed for the economic grave it's no surprise that the new government has had to employ tactics such as raised interest rates to keep things in balance. Had his own regime maintained power the result would have been the same, so taking potshots at the new governments handling of the economy is an easy target aimed at people who have no knowledge or education regarding economics.

Grrrr... yes, he makes me damn angry.

Way to blow the games

One can only imagine how furious the Chinese government are about this particular hostage situation just a few months shy of the Olympic games, where presumably many of the visitors to the games would be planning to see the Terracotta Warriors as part of their trip.

Spastically brilliant!

As I sat in Lido today, a taco in my left hand and the right marking some of last week's tests I received a phone call with news that I could never ever have anticipated. One of my best friends, who works as a 3D graphic artist on computer games, has taken a job here in Singapore working on a top-level CGI project. I'd reveal the name but I figure he'd prefer I kept it to myself. Suffice it to say it's a project that will be known far and wide on the expanse that is the Net much later this year or next year.

But how F-ing brilliant! I've always said that the suckiest thing about living overseas for me is not being able to take my friends with me and now one is coming! I'm still spun out by the news. Bizarrely, he is coming in April when I have time off and was planning to find new accommodation, so it's possible we may end up living together. If not, then I'm a little more inclined to live somewhere a bit closer to the East Coast which is close to his work. Have to see what happens!

This is certainly just the bright news I've needed during a sucky month.

Wha? Huh? Can?

Have had a confusing and weird start to the weekend. Apparently I've been a 'beastly' boyfriend over the past few weeks. What this translates to in girlspeak is that I haven't been available enough. It makes me wonder how much a boyfriend and girlfriend should be seeing one another. Or more specifically, how little should they be seeing one another before the boyfriend becomes 'beastly'?

We have been seeing one another on average three times a week. Usually Saturday night and Sunday, and then two dinners on weeknights. Given that besides the Saturday night, she is unable to stay overnight with me and we both work full-time, in a demanding profession no less, I can only wonder how much I would have to be seeing her to raise my status from 'beastly' to 'boyfriend'.

I'm the first to admit that the start to this new year has been incredibly busy for me workwise and more than a little stressful. But when we only share one coinciding day off and don't live together I fail to see what else I could be doing. What makes all this worse for me is that while work will settle somewhat after this month, I begin doing a distance study course that is reputedly time consuming to the Nth degree.

I have a baaaaaaaaaaad feeling about this...

Who are you?

For reasons weird and varied, I've had to write down all my addresses from the past five years. Of the 7 different places I've lived I could only actually list actual addresses for 4 of the places. Of course I was able to remember the Melbourne addresses but had no idea about my overseas addresses. I don't have records of this information and certainly even if I did, they wouldn't be here with me in Singapore. Having been badgered for the information I actually became a tad embarrassed that I'm unable to recall details from the recent past.

I'm notorious for having a shocking memory for anything that isn't work related. Meet someone one day? Forgotten the next, though if I'm honest they're usually forgotten mere minutes later. It's not that I don't think these people are important or cute or interesting, it's just that I'm bad with names. Generally they go in one ear and out the other.

The point of all this, is that if I can't remember the addresses of the places that I live then did I ever really live there at all? Of course my memory tells me I did, but if I can't even recall a new acquaintances name then how can I trust myself to remember something from several years ago and a few thousand miles away? And if I lost my memory in some bizarre escalator accident then would I have ever been to those places at all given there's no paper or photographic evidence?

Think my head is beginning to hurt...

Career Change?

This year has been a major trial in terms of my job. I've pushed myself to the limits in terms of time and also organisational detail. This has been good. But ultimately I guess I find myself wondering do I really want to be working 9 hours a day and putting up with total crap for such a measly salary? The only answer is that I will stick it out for another year or so and then see if they show me the money or not. I'm not generally a money driven kind of person but being here in Singapore I have to think about whether it's financially worthwhile to be staying here when I could be at home. Yes, Singapore has been more expensive than anticipated.

As far as a total career change goes, and I always said I would consider this seriously after a decade in my current industry (I'm in year 8 now), poses far more issues. I would have to be the luckiest man alive to pull off the career change here in Sg, so this means heading back home. I think, after so many years of living in different places, the thing that scares me most is that I would end up in a job that wouldn't allow me to travel. I like living in other countries, but not being in oil/business/law/sciences, I feel a tad confined when it comes to possible career choices that involve postings overseas.

We all hate our jobs at some point. I'm probably pretty lucky that I enjoy my job the majority of the time, most people can't say that. But I'm feeling a bit fed up. I was warned by many people that this particular job would see me working like a dog and I guess now I'm feeling it. The honeymoon period is over now and the reality of making my career work for me overseas when there's hundreds and hundreds of other people vying for the same very limited number of promotions is a bit daunting.

Coming off illness, I'm probably just feeling a bit sensitive and worn down still. Let's see how I'm feeling in about 2 months time.

Pinocchio the movie star!

I went to see Jumper today, because that's what we self-confessed geeks do. The previews looked fun, mixing the special effects from the Matrix sequels with the Nightcrawler teleportation effect from X-Men 2. I saw my first preview for this about 6 months ago. Now the interesting thing about this is that the previews involved a LOT of teleportation which is natural when you're marketing a movie to the comic and sci-fi geeks. Thus you didn't see a lot of the main characters in close up, except Samuel L who was there to give the movie some "cred" if that's indeed what he does. I only found out about 2 weeks ago that this film actually stars Anakin Skywalker himself - Hayden Christensen.

Now I recently sat through a couple of seasons of Entourage so maybe my mind is bent towards the behind the scenes drama that goes into marketing and selling a movie. It's interesting that at no point in the marketing for Jumper did they shout out that two actors that starred in part of the, arguably, most successful film series of all time were in the film. Is Christensen's reputation that terrible that you wouldn't use him as a factor in selling the film? Honestly, he wouldn't sell me. I wanted to see this because it had dudes teleporting and I'm kind of easy to sell on stuff like that. But Christensen really is, if it's possible, more wooden in this film than he was in the Star Wars films. So I wouldn't play up the fact that he is in this film so naturally, as often happens with films that have Samuel L as a co-star, it rests on Shaft's shoulders and special effects to sell the film. Deep Blue Sea anyone?

Though I do have an irrational love for Deep Blue Sea. How can you possibly go past a film in which they genetically alter sharks to be bigger and smarter and then expect everything will be ok!


Movie News :
- Hayden Christensen will be the lead character in a film adaptation of Neuromancer. Crap crap crap. Now I really don't want this film to happen.

- There's a film adaptation of one of my favourite books of all time coming - The Master and Margarita.

Rituals

I like Sundays. It's the only day of the week that I insist on having off. Currently I have Sundays and Mondays off which is fine by me. Sure heading into work at 8am on a Saturday sucks from time to time, but it's a small sacrifice to make to ensure I have Sundays off. Before coming to Singapore this used to be my Saturday ritual, it's now my Sunday ritual. Sitting down in front of the computer, pumping some tunes (currently a best of The Police disc) and loading up all the essentials. Now that it's Sunday one of the additions has become PostSecret. For an incredibly popular blog I love that it is ad-free. There's no tracking feature (that I am aware of) unlike many of the 'popular' blogs which feel they need to know where there readers come from. I mean really, how ego-driven does one need to be?

There's something so lovely about a global village way of communicating that makes PostSecret so appealing. After all, this is what the Internet should always have been, imo. A means of communicating and connecting for people across the world. Some of the secrets are incredibly touching, some of them could even be mine.

Among a few other sites, a deep part of my ritual is running through all the analysis of the week's AFL games. Thankfully, after the usual painful 4-6 months without, footy is back! There's nothing particularly special about my ritual. For many people it would almost certainly be boredom made reality. But it's just one of those little slices of a week that is purely for one's self. Catch up on the important things and even on the things that are absolutely trivial.

Reminds me of when one of my exes got married some years ago. After many years of living completely alone in a country that was not her birth country suddenly she was living with someone. She was concerned when they first started living together because she didn't know how to let someone into her life. How to still have her little rituals while someone else was in the house or even the same room. I advised her, cliched though it may have been, to give it time and she would adjust. I didn't fully understand at that point as I had always lived with people, whether I had wanted to or not. I think I understand it now. She was about my age when this all happened so perhaps it's just a phase we go through. Yes or no, I have to say that my rituals are as important as anything else I do.



Is it weird that the Australian series Underbelly which is about the Melbourne gang war that took place over the last few years involves a character I actually know.? And yes, this man did jail time for his part in all this. Very scary guy but lovely man. I guess you just don't want to cross dudes like that.

I resolve to call her up, a thousand times a day, ask her if she'll marry me some old fashioned way. One of my favourite lyrics of all time. Would that life was that easy.