As I summoned up the extra, final, last-resort reserve of energy that I had summoned up at least 6 times in the previous 2 days, I picked up the keys and The Lady apologised for not dressing up. 'Sorry sweetie, I'm just not the dressing up type'. I made the obligatory disappointment noises about how unfair it was not to be dating a girl who was happy to cosplay, she smiled and we headed out for an early dinner. Her suggestion as she didn't want to deal with Valentine's crowds - gotta love that in a girl!
But as I lay awake last night (I should know better than to lay my head down and then think about money issues. Needless to say I was awake for the next hour or two thinking about all manner of things) it occurred to me that I actually do like a girl to dress up sometimes. Not in a dirty cosplay kind of way; schoolgirls and nurses' uniforms do nothing for me at all. But it's always nice to see the girl you are dating dress herself up, looking all hot as a lead up to a little something something.
So it made me wonder, what should we be willing to give up in a relationship? This was more a philosophical question than anything else. I like my girl to dress up, she doesn't. So is that just one of those things you let go because everything else is so good? Naturally this falls into two camps - settling and compromising. I've always been someone that has said I would never settle. If it wasn't right then I wouldn't continue on in a relationship just because it's nice to have someone. My past is littered with a host of amazing women with which it just wasn't "right". I don't want to wake up when I'm 42 years old and think 'Shit, this is comfortable but I actually dreamt of something more'.
Naturally it has occurred to me that perhaps expectations are so astronomically high that noone will ever actually meet them. Which is where we come to compromise. Maybe I'm getting cynical, perhaps just shaking off that last remnant of umbilical naivety, but I don't think there is anyone that's perfect for anyone. Yes, in my secret heart I believe there is, but the brain tells me there isn't and apparently I'm supposed to listen to that, not my heart which sometimes gets confusing messages from a different lower appendage. So we compromise. Now this requires a careful tightrope walk to avoid being mistaken for settling.
Compromising is about letting go of some of the little things. So she's not quite as tall/short/slim/fat as the girl's you have previously dated, doesn't matter. If you enjoy one another then it's probably something you can and should let go of. Perhaps she's tardy on a constant basis... grrrr... it's something you can probably get over and move on from. Or even ^gasp!^ tell her about and see if anything changes. An annoying laugh? Sleeps with stuffed toys? Doesn't have quite the career of the woman you always saw yourself with? Again, things, that on a case by case basis, should be carefully considered and probably compromised on. Though the tardiness thing really does piss me off. However I have long since pretended to accept that the rest of the world doesn't seem to see punctuality as any kind of virtue.
As for not wanting to dress up? Right now? Right now I'm settling for compromise.
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