Am sitting here annoying my ex-girlfriend by chatting to her while I catch up on blogs and watch Chasing Amy. Amazingly, Chasing Amy still holds up over a decade later. Sure, we all know the story now, so there are no surprises. It's littered with Kevin Smith's incredibly talky dialogue (love it or hate it). However it remains a really intimate little tale about the complications of two people experiencing love. While I would hardly place Smith in the category of auteur. I will give him a round of applause for the intimacy created in this film where many of the shots are quite tight and draw the audience that bit further into the entanglement between Holden and Alyssa.
It's been a strange week. Having experienced the War on Ants and The Long Cockroach March, I've now had to contend with the guerrilla tactics of mosquitoes. Resorting to the insect equivalent of a Missile Defense Shield in the form of Liquid Electric Repeller, I had my first decent night's sleep in five days last night.
Am also having weird and vivid dreams again. There's a point at which I'll have to stop saying again and just accept that I now have weird dreams. I've witnessed murders and been tortured this week alone. One might blame this on what I've been consuming this week, but violent content really hasn't been much a part of it. Unless you count a re-telling of the 1970 Collingwood-Carlton Grand Final.
Should it be bed time now..?
Friday, January 30, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Blind Spots
Last night a friend asked me what I thought her weaknesses are. I tried to be honest in regards to her relationship issues but ultimately it's a very difficult and entirely subjective thing to comment on. Interestingly it's something I've asked the last couple of girls I've dated. To find out what the chinks in the armour are that I can't see. My blind spots.
As a teenager I went through a period of many months where I basically had no friends. No one to call at night and chat with. No one to catch a movie with. No one really to even have lunch with at school. I was inconsolable during this period, as it was only days, weeks, months ago that I did have these things. To find them ripped away in what at the time seemed the most calculated cruelty and now seems just a part of being a teenager, was devastating. During the time I rebuilt myself. I never changed so that I could be a part of things again, if anything this rebirth was quite the opposite. I found a deeper way of thinking and feeling things, promised myself that no outside force would ever define me again. That I would be what I was and the parts of the world that would come to me ultimately would. It all sounds very brave, but honestly, I cried myself to sleep at such realisations, not knowing whether the world would indeed find me once more.
As much as possible after this time I came to, for better or worse, have some kind of idea of what it was to be me. All this, and after some months, the world came back to me which is why, to this day, I'm blessed with such wonderful and individually brilliant friends. The failure of relationship after relationship and the continued engaging in destructive behaviour makes one think that maybe.... just maybe there's a blind spot I'm missing.
The destructive behaviours? Well, some are well in the past, others a work in progress. What I've been reminded of so sharply recently is that none of these changes will happen because of another person. And for someone like me? Well, any changes that are wrought by another are a poorly stitched substitute for working through things and making the tough choices all by yourself. As an example, quitting smoking because your partner tells you to may be successful. Certainly it's of enormous benefit to your health. But should that person disappear or not be there for whatever reason... what are the chances you'll be back on the fags?
So what did I gain from asking people about my own blind spots? Not a blasted thing. Maybe they were unwilling to tell me. Maybe they were too close for my own good. Or maybe if the blind spots were so pronounced that they could be seen by someone else, I may have noticed them myself. Who knows? No more asking others about my blind spots. The answers may be too scary!
As a teenager I went through a period of many months where I basically had no friends. No one to call at night and chat with. No one to catch a movie with. No one really to even have lunch with at school. I was inconsolable during this period, as it was only days, weeks, months ago that I did have these things. To find them ripped away in what at the time seemed the most calculated cruelty and now seems just a part of being a teenager, was devastating. During the time I rebuilt myself. I never changed so that I could be a part of things again, if anything this rebirth was quite the opposite. I found a deeper way of thinking and feeling things, promised myself that no outside force would ever define me again. That I would be what I was and the parts of the world that would come to me ultimately would. It all sounds very brave, but honestly, I cried myself to sleep at such realisations, not knowing whether the world would indeed find me once more.
As much as possible after this time I came to, for better or worse, have some kind of idea of what it was to be me. All this, and after some months, the world came back to me which is why, to this day, I'm blessed with such wonderful and individually brilliant friends. The failure of relationship after relationship and the continued engaging in destructive behaviour makes one think that maybe.... just maybe there's a blind spot I'm missing.
The destructive behaviours? Well, some are well in the past, others a work in progress. What I've been reminded of so sharply recently is that none of these changes will happen because of another person. And for someone like me? Well, any changes that are wrought by another are a poorly stitched substitute for working through things and making the tough choices all by yourself. As an example, quitting smoking because your partner tells you to may be successful. Certainly it's of enormous benefit to your health. But should that person disappear or not be there for whatever reason... what are the chances you'll be back on the fags?
So what did I gain from asking people about my own blind spots? Not a blasted thing. Maybe they were unwilling to tell me. Maybe they were too close for my own good. Or maybe if the blind spots were so pronounced that they could be seen by someone else, I may have noticed them myself. Who knows? No more asking others about my blind spots. The answers may be too scary!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Ow! Ak! Nnnhn!
Having returned to the gym after 9 months, my body seems to be rejecting all attempts at regaining fitness and tone. I'm in some pain and have a funny twinge in my back everytime I turn just so...
If nothing else, I'm eating healthier at the moment.
One of my best friends from high school comes in tomorrow night which will be a blast. I haven't seen him for 18 months so I'm sure the nights ahead will be filled with much food, drink and laughter.
If nothing else, I'm eating healthier at the moment.
One of my best friends from high school comes in tomorrow night which will be a blast. I haven't seen him for 18 months so I'm sure the nights ahead will be filled with much food, drink and laughter.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The evil horde
Had a nightmare last night. Grotesque versions of the Evil Horde (yes, of She-Ra fame) were mooching around creeping me out. And then the TV told me that my lack of sympathy for its plight was going to mean dire consequences. It was only when the TV spoke to me that I had the good sense to pull myself out of the dream.
Oh yes, and my apartment is kind of scary in a post-nightmare state.
Oh yes, and my apartment is kind of scary in a post-nightmare state.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
The best laid plans
Well, the new year was supposed to bring with it reformed behaviour and a focus on life outside of work. Somehow staying out at a drum and bass party until 5am isn't what defines 'reformed behaviour'. I almost never go to this particular club because I'm not a go-out-on-saturday-night type of guy. Besides which I'm invariably working on Sunday mornings so a club that doesn't start happening until after 1am isn't really on the cards. But I did have a good time. Every few months I just need to bust out completely, go silly and dance with that gangly, side-steppy, mime kung fu fighting thing that I do. So today has been a very slooooooooooooow day with going to the nearby hawker centre being the equivalent of an achievement.
Am looking forward to work starting back tomorrow. Am less looking forward to the slurpy cover letters I'm going to be writing and rejigging my resume that needs to happen over the next few days. Yes, I'm officially job-hunting. I don't hate my job. In fact I quite enjoy what I do. It's just the hours that are poor and I kind of figure that with my qualifications I don't need to be in that situation if I don't want to. It's a shit or get off the pot scenario. I'm really just doing this to motivate myself and am not expecting to pick up anything before mid-year but it is vital to at least have my resume out there for people to get back to me.
Tonight I leave with a joke of awesome awesomeness that was told to me last night :
A man walks into a bar. He sees some nuts in a bowl on the counter. Before he can reach for them the bartender comes over and asks for his order. He orders a pint and then reaches for a nut. Just as he's picking up the nut he hears a woman's voice say "Oh, is that a new tie? You really do look very handsome today!" Freaked out he looks around but can't see anyone around who could have said it. Confused, he wanders over to the cigarette machine and as he's pulling out a packet form the machine he hears a gruff man's voice saying "You're a right fucking twat, you know that? Go on then, get the fuck out of here you big pussy." Again, he looks around but there's no one there.
He goes back to the bar and asks the bartender "Listen, I'm hearing voices. I could have sworn I heard a woman's voice when I grabbed some nuts and some guy abusing me when I bought my cigarettes. The bartender offers an understanding smile, "Oh, I forgot to tell you, the nuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine's out of order."
Am looking forward to work starting back tomorrow. Am less looking forward to the slurpy cover letters I'm going to be writing and rejigging my resume that needs to happen over the next few days. Yes, I'm officially job-hunting. I don't hate my job. In fact I quite enjoy what I do. It's just the hours that are poor and I kind of figure that with my qualifications I don't need to be in that situation if I don't want to. It's a shit or get off the pot scenario. I'm really just doing this to motivate myself and am not expecting to pick up anything before mid-year but it is vital to at least have my resume out there for people to get back to me.
Tonight I leave with a joke of awesome awesomeness that was told to me last night :
A man walks into a bar. He sees some nuts in a bowl on the counter. Before he can reach for them the bartender comes over and asks for his order. He orders a pint and then reaches for a nut. Just as he's picking up the nut he hears a woman's voice say "Oh, is that a new tie? You really do look very handsome today!" Freaked out he looks around but can't see anyone around who could have said it. Confused, he wanders over to the cigarette machine and as he's pulling out a packet form the machine he hears a gruff man's voice saying "You're a right fucking twat, you know that? Go on then, get the fuck out of here you big pussy." Again, he looks around but there's no one there.
He goes back to the bar and asks the bartender "Listen, I'm hearing voices. I could have sworn I heard a woman's voice when I grabbed some nuts and some guy abusing me when I bought my cigarettes. The bartender offers an understanding smile, "Oh, I forgot to tell you, the nuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine's out of order."
Friday, January 2, 2009
I take all my own photos... of me...
Would you believe I'm only up to Herbie Hancock? No wonder I've been avoiding this task for years!
Went for drinks with one of my best mates here last night. Emerald Hill was very very quiet and we had shockingly terrible martinis until we switched to the much safer whiskey option. One of the things I always find interesting at Emerald Hill is that groups of (really hot) girls go out in small groups there. They rarely seem to be out looking to pick up guys, they just seem to go there to look hot and have some drinks.
I found out some interesting gossip about me as well. My friend informed me that I can pretty much have any girl I want (apparently 'the one' is not included in this group...) and that it's public knowledge that I'm sleeping with at least several of the Singaporean staff. What I like about public knowledge is that the truth doesn't need to get in the way of a good gossip. Not only am I sleeping with a couple of them but some of them are no longer on speaking terms because I'm now sleeping with the other.
The reality is that I'm sleeping with none of them, nor have I ever slept with any of them. I have very strict rules about shitting where I eat so to speak. I've broken this rule only once as an adult and that was because she was a 'one', so it was only natural to break it. I am, despite what everyone else in the world thinks, a relatively shy guy who doesn't like to be the centre of attention. I don't like my life being the fodder for gossip which is probably at least part of the reason why I compartmentalise my life so completely. So these are the fun things I learn about myself on a night out for drinks. My friend was cute because I think he partially told me this to find out whether any of it was true. As I said to him, if anyone at all knew it would be him (BFF moment *eyeroll*).
Makes you wonder about the celebrity thing. Is it better that people are talking about you salaciously than ignoring you completely?
Went for drinks with one of my best mates here last night. Emerald Hill was very very quiet and we had shockingly terrible martinis until we switched to the much safer whiskey option. One of the things I always find interesting at Emerald Hill is that groups of (really hot) girls go out in small groups there. They rarely seem to be out looking to pick up guys, they just seem to go there to look hot and have some drinks.
I found out some interesting gossip about me as well. My friend informed me that I can pretty much have any girl I want (apparently 'the one' is not included in this group...) and that it's public knowledge that I'm sleeping with at least several of the Singaporean staff. What I like about public knowledge is that the truth doesn't need to get in the way of a good gossip. Not only am I sleeping with a couple of them but some of them are no longer on speaking terms because I'm now sleeping with the other.
The reality is that I'm sleeping with none of them, nor have I ever slept with any of them. I have very strict rules about shitting where I eat so to speak. I've broken this rule only once as an adult and that was because she was a 'one', so it was only natural to break it. I am, despite what everyone else in the world thinks, a relatively shy guy who doesn't like to be the centre of attention. I don't like my life being the fodder for gossip which is probably at least part of the reason why I compartmentalise my life so completely. So these are the fun things I learn about myself on a night out for drinks. My friend was cute because I think he partially told me this to find out whether any of it was true. As I said to him, if anyone at all knew it would be him (BFF moment *eyeroll*).
Makes you wonder about the celebrity thing. Is it better that people are talking about you salaciously than ignoring you completely?
Thursday, January 1, 2009
I like new years
I have nothing of special interest to say about the end of one year and the start of another other than to say that I quite like the calendar ticking over that way. Feels like a fresh start, whether you deserve it or not.
Having been through all of my photos and archived and tagged them for future reminiscing a couple of weeks ago, the one last task ahead before work restarts was my music. Initial poor decision making has left me with a music collection where half is in MP3 format and the other half in AAC. AAC is a more efficient file format, it takes up a little less space on your hard-drive, but as I found out when I tried to do some editing a couple of years ago using Windows Movie Maker, AAC format music just will not comply. Try to lay a soundtrack or backing music down for a video and you will find yourself with only the MP3s to choose from. Generally this isn't a problem except that naturally the track you want to put down is one of the AAC format files.
So I've been promising myself for two and a half years (not a word... grrrr) that I would go into iTunes and convert all the AAC files into MP3s on the off chance that I do indeed want to use them for something some day. It's holidays and I set a task for myself, so here I find myself spending new year's day not nursing a hangover but nursing a file transformation procedure that has so far consumed about 6 hours of the day. I'm sure there's an easier way to do this but right now I'm having to go through every single folder of music and see if it's AAC or MP3 then locate it in iTunes, convert the file formats, delete the original AACs in favour of my shiny new MP3s then start the process all over again with the next album or song. Sigh... I should have been doing this years ago...
Having been through all of my photos and archived and tagged them for future reminiscing a couple of weeks ago, the one last task ahead before work restarts was my music. Initial poor decision making has left me with a music collection where half is in MP3 format and the other half in AAC. AAC is a more efficient file format, it takes up a little less space on your hard-drive, but as I found out when I tried to do some editing a couple of years ago using Windows Movie Maker, AAC format music just will not comply. Try to lay a soundtrack or backing music down for a video and you will find yourself with only the MP3s to choose from. Generally this isn't a problem except that naturally the track you want to put down is one of the AAC format files.
So I've been promising myself for two and a half years (not a word... grrrr) that I would go into iTunes and convert all the AAC files into MP3s on the off chance that I do indeed want to use them for something some day. It's holidays and I set a task for myself, so here I find myself spending new year's day not nursing a hangover but nursing a file transformation procedure that has so far consumed about 6 hours of the day. I'm sure there's an easier way to do this but right now I'm having to go through every single folder of music and see if it's AAC or MP3 then locate it in iTunes, convert the file formats, delete the original AACs in favour of my shiny new MP3s then start the process all over again with the next album or song. Sigh... I should have been doing this years ago...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)