Holidays? What for?

After a week off work in which I strapped myself into the couch, played DS and watched dvds I started back at it yesterday. One of my bosses asked me whether I went away. I said no and that its odd. When I stay here in Singapore during time off work periods I'd rather be at work quite frankly.

It was at this point in the conversation that my mind was screaming what the hell is wrong with you?! It's holidays! But honestly? I love sleeping in, but there's really not all tat much to do after that. I'm more motivated when I'm working than when I'm not. Yes, I've devolved into one of those people that defines themselves, at least somewhat, by their work.

Spoke to M on the phone last night. He told me that I shouldn't bother with weekends away because for the same price I could buy an X-box. After all, which one would give me more love? I hung my head and admitted that the SeXX-box would give me far more love. Damn him for being right.

Finished Battlestar Galactica so will be posting something on that in the next day or two.

I wonder how many Friday nights I've stayed at home and listened to the Beatles?

I realise that I'm not in touch with anyone at all from my two eras living in Japan. I send the occasional email to W and that's about it.

Traditional blogging has become as old skool as writing pen and paper letters to people.

My brother arrives in a couple of weeks. He's only here a short time but I have no idea what to do with him. Eeep!

Am likely to begin doing some work with an organisation shortly which will allow me to give something back to the community. Having been lucky and privileged doesn't mean I should be complacent.

Saw Watchmen. Did nothing for me. Particularly the poor decision making on the part of the director. Over-emphasizing the violence wasn't particularly clever. Assuming the viewer was too stupid to know what was happening just didn't work for me. Watchmen is so seminal because it doesn't pander to the audience and spell things out so completely. The film did and lost its subtle beauty in the process. Oh well, it's not like I ever have to watch it again.

The List

I've seen the list of websites banned by the Australian Communications and Media Authority (ACMA). I am not posting a link as I don't think posting a link to a list of child pornography websites is a great idea. However you smart cookies will know where to go to find this. While this all starts out with (from the names of the websites) what one would imagine to be child porn websites it rapidly goes through a period of farce which does not bode well for the future. Popular porn website X-Tube (basically YouTube for porn) has been banned as has the madcap antics of the Church of Euthanasia. The latter being extremely disturbing I agree, but there's a point at which people have to make decisions for themselves.

As I type this I've just received word that there is no true intention for any of this to actually happen. A close source in Canberra - what you think I'm actually going to reveal the poor guy's name?! - has indicated that this is just pandering to the various interest groups and will never actually go through. What's disturbing about this new information is the amount of time and money being spent on a series of smoke and mirrors. Sigh... got to love politics...

Surfing Australia Way

Placing several Wikileaks pages on the Australian government Internet censorship list may have woken the slumbering monster. The Age reports that Wikileaks will be publishing the complete list shortly (I just searched for it but obviously it's not up). I for one will be very curious to see what is on the list. Or rather, what beyond their initial sales pitch (to ban all child porn sites) has crept onto the list. The message here? Don't fuck with Wikileaks because they will fuck you back.

I should be upfront about this. I've been banging this drum for almost six months now to anyone that will listen. Tiresome though my friends may find it, it's certainly important. At least to me. The current administration in Australia plan to censor the Internet. Ostensibly this is to prevent people from looking at child porn and thereby save the children who are being abused. Huh? What's that? Preventing people from looking at child porn on the Internet will not save one single child and the money would be better spent on tracking down the people that upload/share/distribute this vile material? Seriously? Wow, never would have thought that.

The Australian government's model of censorship involves keeping a confidential list of the websites that are deemed "inappropriate". The minute you have confidential lists without independent arbitrators is the same time that suddenly any website condemning the government or disagreeing with their policies starts disappearing. The beauty of all this? We would never know! It smacks of Orwellian contempt for the people and in a country which has a fairly free media, it's also a bit disturbing to suddenly start pulling the strings on one form of media. What next? A Ministry of Truth to ensure that all of our media is "factually correct"?

More interesting to note is that the only countries currently censoring any individual pages from Wikileaks are China and the united Arab Emirates. Wow, we really are at the forefront of human rights violations now.

Genuine Transition

I feel like I've entered a period of transition. Anyone that's followed my history would be forgiven for suggesting that I'm fairly permanently in a phase of transition. I have spent much of the last decade switching countries with alarming regularity and for many people such things are often the harbingers of great change. Not so for me. Switching countries has always just been something I do. A means of staving off boredom and inertia. While I've been very very fortunate to be in a position to do such things, it's never really meant that much to me. In a spiritual sense. In the beginning that's how it started and after a few years it just became one of those things I do.

The last two weeks has brought with it no small amount of turmoil. Since failing the exam, an emotional well long neglected has made itself known. Full to overflowing it has caused me to stop and think. I made a new acquaintance recently, lets call her Miss K. She has been at the epicentre of much of this period and for that I am truly grateful. What started as a couple of months of chatting, emailing and messaging finally led to a meeting. Quite honestly, meeting her blew my mind. She's smart, successful, flawed and very beautiful. In a country like this she shines. So what do I do? Naturally I fall flat on my face, heart in an outstretched hand for her. Without going in to detail, there's no chance of her and I being anything more than friends. But meeting her? That's the real gift.

I talked to her about signposts last week. How sometimes in life we are sent messages which send us in one direction or another. Sometimes they are events or offers and sometimes they are people. This conversation came about because she asked me how I came to be in Singapore. She's a signpost. The irony of the signpost coming in the form of a woman I can't have isn't lost on me, but I digress.

Miss K is strongly religious. Not just in the attending a weekly service kind of way. She lives in a way that truly reflects some of the vast beauty available to organised religion. The beauty my cynical mind never acknowledges. She talks to God and truly considers what his/her expectations are as well as how that balances with her own desires and goals. That said, she's not a zealot. She allows for other lifestyles, other faithes and is capable of making mistakes. Through the course of our conversations she's done the one thing I prize above most others, she has inspired me.

I've spent two weeks talking with God. Perhaps talking is the wrong word. More so allowing myself to have some kind of communion with him/her. Don't get me wrong, I'm still reasonably opposed to organised religion as a concept. I respect those who are involved in it, but it's not my thing. When I was younger I took this opposition to mean that I in fact did not believe in God. I found though that that was untrue. I did believe in God. Since then I hadn't explored this any further.

Even though this hasn't yielded any answers (I don't expect such fables), it's certainly awakened a side of me that has been there, muted for some time. It's made me consider more thoroughly what I've been given, what I have and what I can give. And honestly? It's been more satisfying to reflect on these things than all the booze and mates and broads I've had in my life.

I'm someone that believes in a fairy tale. That there is that "one" out there. I've spent my entire time searching for her. For the first time since puberty I feel like that's not the most important thing. Sure it would be nice. But I feel like there's some kind of path now. I think I'm saying that I'm not interested in finding her right now. There are just more powerful things happening. More room for me to grow and achieve that person everyone else seems to see but I feel like I've never reached.

I don't know if I will feel this way forever. Maybe I'm in the grip of some madness. Either way there's a lot for me to gain while I'm here.